FrOm SaDnEsS To AnGeR

During all the time I shared my life with him, we used to say certain words or phrases that now I can’t utter any more, like cielo, bebe, me vua mimil, te adoro, and many diminutives and silly things that people use when they are in love, not mentioning the ones we invented. Well, I’ve noticed how difficult has become to say or listen to those words now. I feel that part of my everyday vocabulary suddenly turned against me and it hurts a lot. It’s not necessary to tell you how awful I feel when I think he’s saying all those words to some one else. Gosh, it’s like if everything links me to one of our memories. I’m getting too tired of this feeling…..
Yesterday he sent me a Saint Valentine txt message wishing me a beautiful day, WHAT??? Does he know how much I’m suffering? The thing is that in Puerto Rico people celebrate the day of love and friendship, and I guess he sent the message for the friendship part, anyway WHAT?????? I could have sent HIM a thousand messages because I still love him, but not him, he deserted me and I have nothing to celebrate!! I would have preferred to get a txt about whatever he wanted to tell me, but not something related to that day. He sent his message form his phone and the he sent me another one from the Movistar webpage to confirm I had gotten the previous one….WHAT?? I answered him very nicely and politely, but inside my heart I was crying in silence.
I’ve been feeling better though, at least I don’t have that feeling of emptiness in my chest and I’ve have smiled some times these days….still I’m not the Analia you know but I’ll get there, just give me time.
Last night, I was trying to find a sad song that reflected this moment of my life and I came across one that hit the nail on the head. I showed it to my friend Cale and he says I’m being a little cruel. Actually, I know that if I translate it, Ruth, Auds and Stewie might tell me off and say I shouldn’t think that way. What can I say? I listened to this song and a heavy burden left my body, it was such a relief. Of course I don’t want to see him suffering, and I would NEVER wish him anything bad, however today and ONLY for today despite of all my love, this is the perfect song for him.
A good friend of mine says that after the clouds of sadness go away, the clouds of anger come…only then the sky opens and we can finally stretch out under the sun and heal our wounds. He may be right.
By the way, I’m going to Durazno again this weekend to visit my friend Damian; I have some ideas in mind about catching up with certain things…let’s see if I dare LOL ( I wonder if you can read my mind this time)
I see you later family, love you all.

Now, the lyrics….do some Babel fish translation this time : )

Ojalá que te mueras que se abra la tierra
y te hundas en ella que todos te olviden.Ojalá que te cierren las puertas del cielo y
que todos te humillen que se llene tu
alma de penas y entre más te duelan
que más te lastimen.

Ojalá que te mueras que tu alma se vaya
al infierno y que se haga eterno tu
llanto, ojalá pagues caro el haberme
engañado aun queriéndote tanto que se
claven espinas en tu corazón si es que
aun tienes algo.

Ojalá sea un tormento acordarte de mi
si es que un día lo haces, ojalá sea tanto
el dolor que supliques perdón y se vuelva
tan insoportable.

Ojalá que te mueras que todo tu mundo
se vaya al olvido se que no debo odiarte
pero es imposible tratar de olvidar lo
que hiciste conmigo.

Ojalá que te mueras que todo tu mundo
se quede vacío, ojala cada gota de
llanto te queme hasta el alma ojalá que
no encuentres la calma ojalá que te
mueras.

Ojalá sea un tormento acordarte de mi…

Ojalá que te mueras que todo tu mundo…

Ojalá que te mueras que todo tu mundo…

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18 Comments

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18 responses to “FrOm SaDnEsS To AnGeR

  1. RUTH

    Oh I’ve missed you. I don’t know what to say about the text message; I think he was heartless to send it even if he meant it kindly!!! There I put that very politely with no swear words! I am proud of you that you coped with it despite your sadness {{hugs}}
    Catching up with things????…mmmm…I feel a little smile in your words???
    I have to cook now but will try and translate this song later….I imagine it is a “knee in the groin” song……I wonder if you understand what I mean…it is a phrase Mick would use that means REVENGE!!….LOL
    See you later
    R
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  2. RUTHhttp://ruthjen.blogspot.com/

    Oh I’ve missed you. I don’t know what to say about the text message; I think he was heartless to send it even if he meant it kindly!!! There I put that very politely with no swear words! I am proud of you that you coped with it despite your sadness {{hugs}}
    Catching up with things????…mmmm…I feel a little smile in your words???
    I have to cook now but will try and translate this song later….I imagine it is a “knee in the groin” song……I wonder if you understand what I mean…it is a phrase Mick would use that means REVENGE!!….LOL
    See you later
    R
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  3. RUTH

    Oh I’ve missed you. I don’t know what to say about the text message; I think he was heartless to send it even if he meant it kindly!!! There I put that very politely with no swear words! I am proud of you that you coped with it despite your sadness {{hugs}}
    Catching up with things????…mmmm…I feel a little smile in your words???
    I have to cook now but will try and translate this song later….I imagine it is a “knee in the groin” song……I wonder if you understand what I mean…it is a phrase Mick would use that means REVENGE!!….LOL
    See you later
    R
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  4. RUTH

    Ojala that you die…
    That one opens to the Earth and you undas in her…
    that all they forget to you

    Ojala that to you the doors of the sky saw.
    and that all umillen to you
    That your soul of pains fills and between but they hurt to you
    that but they hurt to you

    Ojala that you die
    That your soul is fence to hell
    And that aga eternal your weeping
    Ojala you as much pay expensive aver to me even deceived queriendote
    That thorns in your heart nail.
    if esque to you have something
    Ojala is a torment acordarte of my if esque a day it beams
    ojala is as much the pain. that supliques pardon
    He becomes so unbearable. eh

    CHOIR:

    Ojala that you die
    that all your world is fence to the forgetfulness
    That I do not have odiarte
    But it is impossible to try to forget.
    What isiste with me

    Ojala that you die
    that all your world remains vacio
    Ojala each drop of weeping burns to you until the soul.
    Ojala that you do not find to the calm

    Ojala that you die…….

    Ojala is a torment
    Acordarte of my if esque a day it beams
    Ojala is as much the pain. that supliques pardon
    he becomes so unbearable

    The Babel translation….think I get the idea…LOL

  5. RUTHhttp://ruthjen.blogspot.com/

    Ojala that you die…
    That one opens to the Earth and you undas in her…
    that all they forget to you

    Ojala that to you the doors of the sky saw.
    and that all umillen to you
    That your soul of pains fills and between but they hurt to you
    that but they hurt to you

    Ojala that you die
    That your soul is fence to hell
    And that aga eternal your weeping
    Ojala you as much pay expensive aver to me even deceived queriendote
    That thorns in your heart nail.
    if esque to you have something
    Ojala is a torment acordarte of my if esque a day it beams
    ojala is as much the pain. that supliques pardon
    He becomes so unbearable. eh

    CHOIR:

    Ojala that you die
    that all your world is fence to the forgetfulness
    That I do not have odiarte
    But it is impossible to try to forget.
    What isiste with me

    Ojala that you die
    that all your world remains vacio
    Ojala each drop of weeping burns to you until the soul.
    Ojala that you do not find to the calm

    Ojala that you die…….

    Ojala is a torment
    Acordarte of my if esque a day it beams
    Ojala is as much the pain. that supliques pardon
    he becomes so unbearable

    The Babel translation….think I get the idea…LOL

  6. RUTH

    Ojala that you die…
    That one opens to the Earth and you undas in her…
    that all they forget to you

    Ojala that to you the doors of the sky saw.
    and that all umillen to you
    That your soul of pains fills and between but they hurt to you
    that but they hurt to you

    Ojala that you die
    That your soul is fence to hell
    And that aga eternal your weeping
    Ojala you as much pay expensive aver to me even deceived queriendote
    That thorns in your heart nail.
    if esque to you have something
    Ojala is a torment acordarte of my if esque a day it beams
    ojala is as much the pain. that supliques pardon
    He becomes so unbearable. eh

    CHOIR:

    Ojala that you die
    that all your world is fence to the forgetfulness
    That I do not have odiarte
    But it is impossible to try to forget.
    What isiste with me

    Ojala that you die
    that all your world remains vacio
    Ojala each drop of weeping burns to you until the soul.
    Ojala that you do not find to the calm

    Ojala that you die…….

    Ojala is a torment
    Acordarte of my if esque a day it beams
    Ojala is as much the pain. that supliques pardon
    he becomes so unbearable

    The Babel translation….think I get the idea…LOL

  7. Audrey

    Analia

    From sadness to anger, your certainly on the right path to recovery..I think I understand what you mean by the dedication of this song.. A book I have speaks of Lady Death sitting, waiting, her long nails tapping the table as she sighs, How long are you going to hang on to this (feeling, emotion) that needs to die in order for you to move on and thrive. I used to hang on, go back to happy times with the ex that made me sad,I read the story of Lady death and imagined her,one day I said a resounding YES!!!!! this must die, its had its life and is no longer of any use in mine…

    quoted from Clarrisa Pinkola Estes a cantadora storyteller and wise woman…..”The cycles are birth, light, and energy, and then depletion, decline, and death. Then incubation and new life comes. Cycles, that is how we are supposed to meet everything,” she emphasized. “Our children, our work, our lovers – everything goes through that cycle. There is the time to say that is enough, to incubate, and then to come back with new energy and new life again.

    “And when a woman is in that mystical and practical sensibility called the instinctual nature, then she knows when it is time to make things live and time to let things die.”

    Keep in touch with your creative fire Analia use it wisely

    Much love and kisses and hugs

    Auds x

  8. Audrey

    Analia

    From sadness to anger, your certainly on the right path to recovery..I think I understand what you mean by the dedication of this song.. A book I have speaks of Lady Death sitting, waiting, her long nails tapping the table as she sighs, How long are you going to hang on to this (feeling, emotion) that needs to die in order for you to move on and thrive. I used to hang on, go back to happy times with the ex that made me sad,I read the story of Lady death and imagined her,one day I said a resounding YES!!!!! this must die, its had its life and is no longer of any use in mine…

    quoted from Clarrisa Pinkola Estes a cantadora storyteller and wise woman…..”The cycles are birth, light, and energy, and then depletion, decline, and death. Then incubation and new life comes. Cycles, that is how we are supposed to meet everything,” she emphasized. “Our children, our work, our lovers – everything goes through that cycle. There is the time to say that is enough, to incubate, and then to come back with new energy and new life again.

    “And when a woman is in that mystical and practical sensibility called the instinctual nature, then she knows when it is time to make things live and time to let things die.”

    Keep in touch with your creative fire Analia use it wisely

    Much love and kisses and hugs

    Auds x

  9. psychoative toad

    I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I know there’s not much I can say, except take it from someone who’s been through the same thing, it will get better. It may take a long time, but it will happen.

  10. psychoative toad

    I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I know there’s not much I can say, except take it from someone who’s been through the same thing, it will get better. It may take a long time, but it will happen.

  11. Cale

    Ani, lei algo interesante que me gustaria que leyeras. Es en otro blog, la direccion eshttp://deferipula.blogspot.com/2007/02/perdonar-para-ser-libres.html

    Un beso amiga

  12. Cale

    Ani, lei algo interesante que me gustaria que leyeras. Es en otro blog, la direccion eshttp://deferipula.blogspot.com/2007/02/perdonar-para-ser-libres.html

    Un beso amiga

  13. Analía

    Cale mi tesoro, gracias por dejarme leer ese post, me gustó mucho y es muy cierto lo que dice. Tu sabes que en mi corazon no hay odio y que ya comence a perdonar. Un corazon herido actúa igual que una persona muy enojada, dice cosas sin querer, vaya uno a saber porque. No se en realidad si hay algo que perdonar aqui, porque uno no deja de amar con el proposito de lastimar y se bien que esa no fue su intencion, no hubo maldad en sus acciones. Solo hablé y canté desde mi dolor, pero amiguito, tu sabes…tengo un corazon muy grande, pero a la vez muy lleno de amor, no hay cabida aqui para el odio.
    Gracias, se que siempre tienes la palabra justa y por eso siempre le agradezco a Dios que te haya puesto en mi camino. Vaya si Dios me ha bendecido a mi con estos angeles que tanto me cuidan y quieren. Un abrazo enorme y miles de miles de besitos bb.

  14. Analía

    Cale mi tesoro, gracias por dejarme leer ese post, me gustó mucho y es muy cierto lo que dice. Tu sabes que en mi corazon no hay odio y que ya comence a perdonar. Un corazon herido actúa igual que una persona muy enojada, dice cosas sin querer, vaya uno a saber porque. No se en realidad si hay algo que perdonar aqui, porque uno no deja de amar con el proposito de lastimar y se bien que esa no fue su intencion, no hubo maldad en sus acciones. Solo hablé y canté desde mi dolor, pero amiguito, tu sabes…tengo un corazon muy grande, pero a la vez muy lleno de amor, no hay cabida aqui para el odio.
    Gracias, se que siempre tienes la palabra justa y por eso siempre le agradezco a Dios que te haya puesto en mi camino. Vaya si Dios me ha bendecido a mi con estos angeles que tanto me cuidan y quieren. Un abrazo enorme y miles de miles de besitos bb.

  15. Martín

    me pasa igual…i hate her =( me mandó una postal para san valentin…mis sentimientos no son de angustia, ya son de odio y no aguanto ni imagino las cosas que nos deciamos se las diga a otro.. =(

    Martin – Desvirtuen

  16. Martín

    me pasa igual…i hate her =( me mandó una postal para san valentin…mis sentimientos no son de angustia, ya son de odio y no aguanto ni imagino las cosas que nos deciamos se las diga a otro.. =(

    Martin – Desvirtuen

  17. Eh.. Do you have any suggestions about my cowardly corps A JOKE! ) What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

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