No Voy a Mentirte

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A PhOnE CaLL, A SoNg AnD Me

It’s been raining a lot lately. However, the sun finally showed up today and I’m struggling to switch my moody state to a more bearable one.
It gets really difficult to sit in front of this keyboard and try to put my ideas in order…..it’s been a long time since I was here the last time!!

My mom called me the other day and that was such a gift for me. Well, you may be wondering why it was so important. Her gift was a simple word….she said “Hello”.
It was her first phone call after the surgery!!! I must confess I dropped some tears of joy because I’m so proud of my mother.
We chatted for a while and I could understand almost all she said. Her tongue is still kind of numb and she has to learn how to pronounce certain letters such as L, N or R but she can speak very well considering all she had to go through.

Now, about me….. I’ve been working LONG LONG hours recently and honestly being in front of my pc was one of the privileges I had to give up for a while…..I repeat “for a while”. Soon everything will go back to normal and you will get to see more of me here again.
What can I tell you? Oh yes!! I gained soooooooooo much weight! Since I was out most of the day, my meals were nothing but sandwiches, hot dogs, and all sort of fattening things. Now I’m paying the consequences, sniff. My pants don’t fit anymore and I have to unbutton them if I want to sit comfortably. I comfort myself by thinking that I still have 2 months before summer. I have two options: either I lose this entire extra load or I’ll be using one of my”secret strategies” at the beach this year again (I hope with better results, though)

Now I will tell you about Felix….. He’s a good friend of mine. He’s a “Boricua” living in Switzerland who I met some years ago in a chat room of Puerto Rico. Some days ago he gave me this gift I really want to share with you all. He says he got inspired after one of our conversations and I only have words of gratitude after reading such beautiful words. Thanks FELIX!!!

I’ve been told that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Why am I here? This darkness… this silence…

time has finally stood still.

And my mind seeks you.

I wish to continue my journey,

but when I look back,

I see the light that I left behind.

I remember what has been,

your touch, your smell in my hands…


>>>I smell with my lips

I see with my hands

I touch with my mind

and I kiss with my breath<<<<


I seek things… I seek things that are to be found,

and at the same time will always remain a mystery.

Do you seek what I seek?

The mysteries of your eyes

I will seek but never understand.


>>>I smell with my lips

I see with my hands

I touch with my mind

and I kiss with my breath<<<<


How do you love a lifetime?

is this the time to continue my journey?

Can one love for such a long time?

Being in a place where time stands still comforts me.

I wish to stay here so that I can continue to love you.

“Time heals all wounds”, they say…

I do not wish to be healed,

I wish to continue my suffering.


>>>I smell with my lips

I see with my hands

I touch with my mind

and I kiss with my breath<<<<


Will I ever smell you with my lips?

I do not know…

Will I ever see you with my hands?

I do not know…

In the distance, I will kiss you with my breath,

feel your skin and touch your soul

and even while being in this darkness,

I will see the light in your eyes!

Felix

Isn’t he sweet?
See you soon my friends. I love you with all my heart.

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GoOd NeWs

Dear friends, here I am with some good news!!

Last Monday my mother finally underwent surgery after so many days of struggling with her own fears, and our unrelenting efforts to make her change her mind.
She keeps on saying she did it for us and we keep on thinking Thanks God.
The doctor says she has to be positive and that we have to be strong to help her now when she needs us the most. Her recovery will take a long time, but now, after the surgery, time is something we can count on and we will be there by her side.
She lost half of her tongue; that means she won’t be able to pronounce some sounds for a while, maybe forever, but she will still be able to speak pretty well after speech therapy.

I have thought a lot about all your good wishes, about the prayer chains that some people I love set in motion, but above all I’ve been thinking of my dad, who secretly built a shrine in his tool shed and went every day to say a prayer for the love of her life. I can’t help feeling guilty because we were so into my mother’s problem that we forgot all about dad’s suffering. He must have felt so lonely and scared….
After the surgery, when mom was awake back in the room, she asked dad:” Do I look too horrible? And dad said “you look as beautiful as you did when I saw you for the first time”….and she does.

Well, that’s all about my mother for now, but I still have some other things I’d love to share with you.
I’m substituting for another teacher in a private institute so nowadays and for a whole month I’m working more than 12 hours per day! Imagine how I look when I get home at night….completely wrecked. However, this is a great experience for me and at the same time I’m opening a new door and increasing my salary (at least for this month) which is sooooooo good!!

Oh! I almost forget! I went to Buenos Aires last week to visit my friend. Remember? It was my first time there and my first time on a ship. I loved every single second of the trip. I got to Bs As on Saturday afternoon and he was waiting for me with a broad smile. He took me for a long ride around the city and then we had dinner in a beautiful restaurant. We talked for hours and hours……and hours! We had such a great time together. On Sunday we did pretty much the same, but in the afternoon we had to say goodbye and that hurt a lot. We will survive, though. This is a very thorny relationship, full of welcomings and farewells, but it worth living it while it lasts.

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SoMe DaYs I sMiLe

My mother has changed her mind!!!!!!!!!! She will finally go under surgery soon, probably in two weeks. I feel so relieved.
I know it’s going to be difficult because it’s not a simple surgery, but that’s another story that our family will be ready to deal with when the moment comes. Together.

I was invited to a party on Saturday and I thought it would be good to go out and relax a little bit after so many days of preocupation. I put on some make up, I dressed up and I called a taxi. I was all glamour!
Well, I think I danced a little too much and now my left hip hurts and I can barely walk!! (Mariana should you come here, relax I’m still going to work!)

Today my kids came from their father’s house and we play with the web cam, making faces and all kind of silly things. It was fun, what can I say? You know me, I’m a child of 40!

Well, I wanted to share this with you because I know you are praying and sending good wishes for my mom and us. Thank you my friends 🙂

I uploaded these two pictures from yesterday before leaving and today with my kids.

Please follow the instructions below:

Here you have to say: WoW what a gorgeous young lady ready to damage her hip!! Ouch!

Here you have to say: Awwwwwwwwww how sweet!!! (where did the young lady go?)
Aren’t my babies cute? (Here you have to say: yesssssssssssssss)

And what about me? don’t you think I look like their older sister? (Here please don’t answerrrrrrr LOL)

I’m going to bed, it’s cold and I’m sooooooooo tired!!

Love and hugs to all

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DiFFiCuLt TiMeS

These days have been so hard for all the family. The doctor told my mother that it’s useless to go under radiotherapy again because if the tumor had come back after only 8 months, it’s likely it will appear later for a second time. The other alternative was surgery. Drastic? Yes, but probably more effective.
My sister was with my mother when the oncologist explained the procedure and my mother seemed to understand. Well, she didn’t.
Some days after the appointment she went to see her other doctor, who explained again how the surgery was going to be, and it was only then that my mother realized what she was going to go through. The doctor was very tactful but he couldn’t convince my mother and now she refuses the treatment.
We are all trying to convince her, but no matter what we say, her answer is always the same….I would die right now if I could.
I guess she’s in denial. I hope she changes her mind and starts fighting against this f*cking thing.
She is visiting the doctor again tomorrow, let’s see what happens.
I love my mom so much…………..

I will be visiting you all as soon as I have some free time.
Thank you very much for your patience and your lovely comments.
You light up my life

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HeRe AgAiN

Returning after such a long time seems to be harder than I thought it would be. A lot of water has passed under the bridge. I’ve drifting through busy days, complicated relationships and mom’s illness…and somehow the flow brought me back here one more time. I guess that I needed some pampering.

Mom is not doing well and she has to face a whole week of radiotherapy again. She is so afraid, all of us are actually, but we try not to show it for her own good.

I won’t be allowed to visit her during her treatment because for safety reasons only people older than 45 can enter the room. My sister will be with her…I wish I could too.

Dad has been aging very fast. He wants to be strong for mum, but they’ve been together for more than 50 years and seeing my mother sick is overwhelming him too much.

On a much lighter note, remember the story of my boyfriend from my youth? He has come many times from Argentina and soon I will visit him too. I don’t know… it will take time until we decide what to do with our lives, meanwhile I think it’s a good idea to seize the day and let time do the work. As you can see, my heart has chosen the third flame and I can do nothing but follow his commands beyond the outcomes it may bring.

Dear friends I haven’t deserted you. You are always on my mind and in my heart and you will always be there. I love you so so so much.

When I was a very little child my mother taught me to pray to my guardian angel. I wonder if he or she is still around. Just in case I’ll say the prayer now for my mom, for you all and for myself.

XOXOXOXO

Ani

Ángel de la guarda,

dulce compañía

no me desampares

ni de noche ni de día.

Las horas que pasan,

las horas del día

si tu estas conmigo

serán de alegría.

No sueltes mi mano,

sé en todo mi guía,

sin ti soy chiquito

y me perdería.

Ángel de la guarda,

dulce compañía

no me desampares

ni de noche ni de día.

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WhIsPeRs By ThE FiRePlAcE

Hello my friends! Long time no see! Well, I’m doing fine, but my PC isn’t LOL! Thanks to a good friend I was able to publish this post so that you know I’m still alive.
I wrote this story below and I uploaded it as an image…why? There’s someone I know who doesn’t know English and he won’t be able to translate it easily this way he he he.
Remember I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much. I’ll be back as soon as my soulmate, I mean, my pc gets over this trance.
Please, click on the image to read…..yes, now I hear voices 🙂

Have a nice weekend!!!!!!!!!!

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WhAt aN ArTiSt!

Hi everybody!! Today I won’t be posting anything too personal; actually this post is not about me at all. As you may know, I’m an EFL teacher, and for that reason, I have the chance to meet a lot of wonderful people. Sadly, it’s not always possible for me to know what my students do, are or dream when they go home.
This post is about Lucia a.k.a LuMaGa. She told me at the beginning of the year that she loved drawing, so I said “Great! You will be an excellent artist one day” (she is so young)
Yesterday in class, we talked again about her drawings and I told her I would love to see some of them. Today she sent me an email with a link to her page. What!!!???? “You will be an excellent artist one day???? This girl is already an AMAZING ARTIST and she in only 18!!!
Please, visit her page to see how gifted she is. I adored all her drawings; I’m sorry, I should have said “pieces of art”

Click on the drawing to visit her page:

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WaTcH OuT ThE GeNtLe WiNd

(click on the picture to enlarge)

By the way,Manuel started school in the morning and he is still having problems to get up early because he doesn’t want to go to bed or sleep when he has to. I think I’ll learn this song, because the ones I know are not working!!
I love this video, it’s so cute…..enjoy!

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(updated) cLoSiNg CiRcLeS

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” – The Zahir

I don’t know exactly why I chose that quote to start my post today. Maybe it’s my need of doing what I have to do, but without knowing how, or worst, knowing, but not daring.
We have talked before about walking through new paths and opening awaiting gates….but, what about closing the ones we left behind?
I’ve learned so far that if those doors remain opened, the echoes of what went before follow us just some steps away, they puff in our neck…..and one day, they hunt us.

My phone rang and I heard “I’m 10 km away and 22 years later”. I left the house and went walking to the route….I was about to see my past coming back.
I stood at the bus stop, legs shaking, heart in the neck, and hands rubbing together…”what am I going to say!!”
A car stopped, the window went down and a man says “Excuse me, have you seen a chubby girl around here?” I started laughing, my legs got firm again and I said, “Yes, I think she was waiting for a thin guy with curly hair”. He opened the door, got off the car and we hugged very tight for a long while.
It was a sunny afternoon and we went to the beach, we sat on the sand facing the ocean and watching seagulls. We talked, talked and talked for hours; I think we pretty much covered these 22 years. There was plenty of laughter and stories….and then a long silence preceding the question “Why did we drift apart?” We couldn’t find an answer because the last thing I remember is that we loved each other a lot…….life is life.
Through the years I’ve thought many times about him, every Christmas time, every presidential election, when people return en masse to their home town, I’ve asked if someone had seen him, but I never got a positive answer.
He asked about me too, I never knew it until today.
I’ve met many people in my life, and I’ve experienced all kind of deep feelings, however, he was the only one who left this lasting curiosity inside me. I needed to know about him. I’m sure now; I needed to close the circle.
It was 5 o’clock…we stood up, and took a walk along the shore; he had to be at the airport at 7, time was against us and there was so much to say…odd as it may sound, we walked in silence. We stopped walking and an anticipating look passed our faces….we hugged again and for a second, all those years seemed to vanish. We were the same kids from the past.

If we are going to see each other again? Probably. If something will happen? I guess not. He has his life there; I have mine here, and long distance relationships are not meant to be. That I know. But I also know that this encounter was good for both of us, we owed each other a conversation, and we owed each other closing the circle.

He called me from Buenos Aires some minutes ago, he was driving his car and thinking that maybe, just maybe his feelings are still alive….I told him that maybe I felt the same, just maybe.
He turned the music on and dedicated this song to me….
and I dedicated this one for him…. then we hung up.

Well, that’s all for today. I thought you would like to know…..
I’m still too busy in my job, but I’ll come back soon.

Oh! By the way, he doesn’t look like the picture I posted before. LOL

I found this and I though it would be nice to share it with you all

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