DiFFiCuLt TiMeS

These days have been so hard for all the family. The doctor told my mother that it’s useless to go under radiotherapy again because if the tumor had come back after only 8 months, it’s likely it will appear later for a second time. The other alternative was surgery. Drastic? Yes, but probably more effective.
My sister was with my mother when the oncologist explained the procedure and my mother seemed to understand. Well, she didn’t.
Some days after the appointment she went to see her other doctor, who explained again how the surgery was going to be, and it was only then that my mother realized what she was going to go through. The doctor was very tactful but he couldn’t convince my mother and now she refuses the treatment.
We are all trying to convince her, but no matter what we say, her answer is always the same….I would die right now if I could.
I guess she’s in denial. I hope she changes her mind and starts fighting against this f*cking thing.
She is visiting the doctor again tomorrow, let’s see what happens.
I love my mom so much…………..

I will be visiting you all as soon as I have some free time.
Thank you very much for your patience and your lovely comments.
You light up my life

HeRe AgAiN

Returning after such a long time seems to be harder than I thought it would be. A lot of water has passed under the bridge. I’ve drifting through busy days, complicated relationships and mom’s illness…and somehow the flow brought me back here one more time. I guess that I needed some pampering.

Mom is not doing well and she has to face a whole week of radiotherapy again. She is so afraid, all of us are actually, but we try not to show it for her own good.

I won’t be allowed to visit her during her treatment because for safety reasons only people older than 45 can enter the room. My sister will be with her…I wish I could too.

Dad has been aging very fast. He wants to be strong for mum, but they’ve been together for more than 50 years and seeing my mother sick is overwhelming him too much.

On a much lighter note, remember the story of my boyfriend from my youth? He has come many times from Argentina and soon I will visit him too. I don’t know… it will take time until we decide what to do with our lives, meanwhile I think it’s a good idea to seize the day and let time do the work. As you can see, my heart has chosen the third flame and I can do nothing but follow his commands beyond the outcomes it may bring.

Dear friends I haven’t deserted you. You are always on my mind and in my heart and you will always be there. I love you so so so much.

When I was a very little child my mother taught me to pray to my guardian angel. I wonder if he or she is still around. Just in case I’ll say the prayer now for my mom, for you all and for myself.

XOXOXOXO

Ani

Ángel de la guarda,

dulce compañía

no me desampares

ni de noche ni de día.

Las horas que pasan,

las horas del día

si tu estas conmigo

serán de alegría.

No sueltes mi mano,

sé en todo mi guía,

sin ti soy chiquito

y me perdería.

Ángel de la guarda,

dulce compañía

no me desampares

ni de noche ni de día.